Sure, sometimes you need to deal with the fact that some people just won’t give a shit, regardless of what you do. And of course there will always be those who are better than you. And some of these people, well, you will never escape. But, dear friends, all is not lost. We can own our own existances. We cam own the night. Our hearts and love belong to us and we have every right to give them to whomever we’d like. So, I suggest we work towards the sky. We can build our own scrapers, can’t we? I think so.

The issue is this: some days you put your best foot forward and get nothing. Other times you sit down and find you’ve sunk into gold. But you always need to try. Have a plan. If the plan doesn’t work out, who cares, at least you’re not in the same place you started. You’ve moved. You’ve risked. You’ve won. And there are different levels of success, all through the world we experiece things from various sides. This means we need to learn to view things from all over while also striving to be where we’d prefer to be. Without goals we get nowhere.

Tonight I played in NYC to lots of good friends as well as strangers, quite a few of which seemed to enjoy what I do. Some amazingly close people that I love had wonderful things to say about me and people that I love. This felt great but also made me think about what I lack, need, desire, etc. Will we ever be as good as what we strive for. And even if we are, will we be able to tell? Are all things equal? I don’t know the answer to these things but hope that one day I will feel I deserve to sit among the masters, or at very least, impress them. Here’s to hoping and here’s to working.

bagels and tattoo shops, then indian visa lines and bar show.  you know how it goes.

in the interim, please refer to the following:

ughdie.tumblr.com

panchosvia.com

enemieslist.net/nyr

there’s lots to dig through.  it’s a mix of positive and negative but always thought provoking ideas.  i hope you enjoy them as much as i have.

love,

p.

the last few days have been incredible.  for those of you who’ve not been following me, one week ago i began the final leg of my last US tour before the end of the year of a thousand roommates.  i picked up my friend colleen in dayton, oh (though she lives in LA, where she is a hardworking actress) and she, billy wallace and i worked our way through ohio, a cancelled show in pittsburgh, new jersey and philly.  now i have a few days “off,” during which i need to complete a seemingly unending list of chores, tasks, songs, recordings, etc., as well as see my wonderful friends and mentally prepare to leave the states to go visit my brother in india.  no small feat.

still, the last few days have been amazing.  here are some highlights:

2/09 - springfield, oh - picked colleen up from the dayton airport and headed to springfield, oh, where we met up with a bunch of billy’s old college buddies.  great people, good meals, free booze, fun times.  ended up getting a ride back to the house with a kid who shouldn’t have been driving yet somehow still had the ability to throw darts.  interesting.

2/10 - cincinatti, oh - we made the short drive to billy’s town to eat skyline chili (spaghetti topped with chili and cheese.  i got mine vegetarian, with onions and habanero cheese.  oh and added hot sauce.  yum.) and play a fun show with his band.  it’s always nice to see touring friends in their comfort zone as well as have clean, warm places to sleep and shower.  this was definitely refreshing and enjoyable.

2/11 - cleveland, oh - we played the soggy dog house and hung with matt sidekicks.  such an awesome dude and lots of fun to be part of something so positive and rad.  thanks dudes!

2/12 - pittsburgh, pa - woke up in cleveland, went to the rock and roll hall of fame (for free, since i’m a rockstar.  no, seriously though, if you’re in a band they let you in if you have a cd/laminate, some way to prove you’re on tour.) and saw some pretty sweet exhibits, specifically the two floors on the boss.  afterwards colleen and i went and grabbed fancy grilled cheese sandwiches from “melt.”  it was an hour wait.  wild.  they were good.  not amazing, but definitely good.  we then drove to pittsburgh only to see that nobody was showing up and once 9 pm hit the promoter said we’d close up and off to jason and nicole’s i drove.  it was a long drive but nice to be back towards my area.

2/13 - new brunswick, nj - there is no way to explain how incredible this was, so i’ll just say i’m the luckiest motherfucker in the world.  thank you all so much for making me feel loved and cared for.  your support, hugs, friendship and good times are worth more than you’ll ever know.  included is adam toris, a buddy from years ago who helped aid me on my journey to where i am now, and follower of this here blog.  so, thanks dude!

2/14 - philly, pa - pretty much the same as above.  so many old and new friends making me feel great.  late night hangouts at the south philly tap room (who make awesome grilled cheese.  maybe better than mine.  well at least different.  but better than “melt.”) with jacob, scotty and arrah.  good to see mercy and lindsay from texas.  all good times.  late night drive back to BCs and a late sleep.

today i drove colleen to her mom’s house and said my goodbye.  it was awesome having such a rad, laid back person along for the ride, and it was fun showing a near stranger what my ridiculous life is like and showing how incredibly amazing my friends are.  i can’t stress how full my heart feels.  thank you all.

the next few days should be good, and hopefully very productive.  but tonight, well, i think brian and i are going to go out for beers.  it’s been a long time and there’s some catching up to do.  i hope you’re all great.  one love.

part of the thing that upsets me about being an “adult” is having to deal with all the bullshit that goes with being mildly late on payments, appointments, and things of this nature.  sure, i fully understand that if we didn’t have rules and regulations, that our world would turn into “chaos,” or at least that’s what stupid assholes in suits think.  you know what i think?  we can make things work.  things happen, people slip up, we all make mistakes.  and sure, i’m annoyed right now because i’m having to deal with all sorts of logistical issues before a huge 2 month trip that will take me to the UK, europe and india.  lots of it looks like it will work out, and in the end it will all be fine.  sure, i’ll be 500 to 1,000 dollars deeper into the trip than i’d have originally liked or planned, and sure, i’ll have to get 17 jobs to pay off some of the crap i’ve accrued, but everything will be alright.  i will be safe, well fed, and legitimately happy, despite the fact that i may not be exactly where i want to be in life.  that’s ok, i really don’t mind that much.  sure, at this very second, i’m mildly anxious and upset, but this will pass.  as a matter of fact, writing about it to you fine folks is making me smile a bit.  shake it off and all that wonderfulness.  but you know what sucks?  there are so many people in this country and world that do not have the ability to “shake it off,” nor do they have scores of lovely lads and lasses such you reading the mental diarrhea pouring out of fingertips onto laptops.  no, these people have real problems, actual issues that bureaucratic situations end up causing legitimately negative impacts in their lives.  there are people who have families that they will have trouble feeding, houses they fear losing, sickness that could turn deadly, all because of greed.  i truly believe that money is the root of the evil we experience.  this does not inherently make money evil, nor do i feel people are evil, but i’m just having so much trouble dealing with the fact that almost every problem that i see comes down to whether or not someone has money (though i’m fully aware of the problems religion can cause).  every big problem i’ve had in the last year has had to do with dollars, or the lack thereof.  real people who work real jobs have real problems.  not enough dollars.  my friends have almost broken up with loved ones over money, not because they wanted big screen tvs and fancy cars, but because they wanted to pay both the electric bill and the grocery bill in the same month.  this is upsetting to me, and i’m not totally sure how to help.  i suppose by trying to live as cheaply as possible while have a full, beautiful life, well that’s a start.  and i’ll try to bring everyone with me.  but i also know that stepping back and looking at the problems makes them seem less terrible.  i have you to thank for this, dear readers.  i started this post with anger and resentment, and now i feel lighter; hopefully none of the weight has been transferred to your shoulders, though arguably with so many more sets we’d all bare it together.  regardless, i do believe everything will be ok.  i will have a few less dollars and will have to work a few more hours and then i will laugh it off and hopefully learn from the situation.  by the way, on a side note, most of the negative things that happen in my life that are not originally money based, come from the fact that i procrastinate.  yes, i think it’s stupid, but maybe i should fucking learn.  here’s to us all making moves towards better lives.  cheers.

by the way, if you’re not listening to the queen killing kings, you’re wrong.

the last few days have been, well, interesting.  for one, i’ve encountered two things that led me believe i might have two separate warrants out for my arrest.  they are both stupid, simple things that really just came down to the fact that i am less organized than i should be and didn’t pay fines on time.  luckily, after getting pulled over by a cop the other day, the night did not end with me in handcuffs in the back of a squad car.  instead he made up the convenient excuse that my license light was out (though it may very well be, as this has happened before), but it’s fairly clear to me that when old sweetpea with her peeling paint and less than attractive shape (i absolutely love her, so pigs can fuck off) drives through wealthier areas, she’s screwtinized.  it’s really sad to see this, because i know that for the most part i’m usually fine.  sure, if i’ve been to the bar that evening, or in these cases, afraid that i might have a warrant, i worry that i might get hassled a bit, but i’m always safe and so it doesn’t ever turn into anything bad.  but for me, it’s just inconvenient.  however, for certain people, this could be a big thing in their life.  someone who is struggling to pay bills, working hard, and barely has enough for a car, might drive a similar make or year and will be equally followed and hassled.  this sucks to think about.  i’m some young white kid, so usually things are ok, and i’ve realized how to talk to cops after having to deal with them so many times, but what about the young hispanic kid, or older black man?  they could be coming home late from work, just wanting to go to bed and now some asshole is giving them the third degree?  it sucks and it makes me sick and i don’t know what i can do about it.  but i suppose i digress (though this digression is one that sheds light on something i’ve thought loads about.  this year of a thousand roommates is a bit bullshit, no?  some priviledged white kid “gives up” his home in search of friends and fun.  sometimes i feel ridiculous, selfish and almost insulting.  isn’t there better things i can be doing with my time?  working in an innercity school or volunteering or fighting the injustice that makes me sick?  i think about this a lot and the only thing that’s saved me from hating myself is that i realize while i truly care about all of those things, i don’t have the passion for them that i do playing music and traveling.  and i realize this is incredibly selfish, but i suppose i’m hoping that we’re all “meant” to do certain things, and to not do that “thing,” we’re not playing our role in the greater cosmos or life or what have you.  right now i believe i’m doing my “thing,” and so perhaps i can contribute in other ways.  perhaps this is also a bullshit excuse, i’m not sure.  so goes my digression.)

anyway, it turns out i don’t have anything attached to my license, at least not in a way that made this cop care, and i was let go.  then i realized i’d not gone to a court date for a parking ticket (which was total bullshit, by the way), but was just able to pay it online.  ugh.  but yes, it was taken care of and hopefully i’ll be fine.  i keep having these visions of one day just walking through NJ or getting pulled over and somehow realizing that so much happened this year unbeknown to me that i will spend years trying to sort it out.   hopefully this is not the case.

by the way, last night was ridiculous.  there was an inspiring young girl who sang old jazz and country standards with a voice i did not expect.  it was a pleasant surprise.  the show itself was rather sparesely attended but i tried my best to rally and played a few songs.  then the main attraction, a young kid who seemed to have a view of himself and his music that did not in any way shape or form agree with the vision i had.  his acoustic set was followed by his “techno” set, during which i questioned all sorts of existence.  suffice it to say, what was left of the love and positivity i felt coming out of san diego was stripped from me with a quickness, leaving only questions of my worth and what the hell i’m doing with my life, sitting in my hands.

today, though, maybe things will look up.  and last night i did a bunch of reading on india.  i’m so excited i’m going to see my brother and experience this thing that is just on a completely different level.  it really makes my current travels seem a joke, and also already makes me want to experience this whole crazy, amazing world.  i feel like when i return from the tail end of the year of a thousand roommates, i will be on a different level, having seen areas of the world some only dream about.  obviously there are millions who live there or have visited, but as an american, especially from new jersey and especially the town in which i grew up, i will be in the minority.  and this makes me happy.